I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
