my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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