I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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