Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
