You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
