I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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