how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
