Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
