I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
