I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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