Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
