I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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