I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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