Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
