I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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