we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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