remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
