Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize