If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
