Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
