question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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