I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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