So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
