Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
