Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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