Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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