And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
