this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
