Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Don't make out with my wife yet
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
