i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
