meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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