Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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