From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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