This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
