the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I love you.
Bad choice
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