I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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