we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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