Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
