After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
