she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
