Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
