apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
