So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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