So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
