I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
