I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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