Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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