census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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