I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
