I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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