She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
