I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
