the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
