5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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