I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
