Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
