I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
