If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
