If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
