Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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