is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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