Do you still have your period?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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