I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
