yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
