Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When are your genitals available?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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