I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
be right there i have to get my cape
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize