At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't turn off my feet"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
