she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
