ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
