glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
