paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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