i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
