the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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