We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
