If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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