I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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