Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
