Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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