Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
