YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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