Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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