he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
