So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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