i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
