some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
