please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
