I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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