I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
