Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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