I love black thongs
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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