Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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