My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
